So it’s currently 04.50am. I’m in some kind of half dead zombie like state sprawled across my bed with more pillows then a fancy chain hotel. I’m clinging to my V pillow and hot water bottle like it the only thing that can help me survive.
So in an un expected need to suddenly be productive. I’ve decided to start something, I’ve been saying I’ll do for months… Write down what life is actually like when your 21 and suddenly become disabled. Usually most 20 somethings are only up in the early hours ,with no sleep, if they’ve been getting drunk or they’ve got way too into a netflix series. However as much as I enjoy dancing all night and throwing up on my own shoes outside a pizza shop. Or alternatively convincing myself that I’ll watch just one more episode knowing fine well they’ll be another cliff hanger that’ll keep me hooked. Sadly I’ve been doing neither of these things.
In fact, I will formally announce that me and my mothers toilet and now very, very close trust me I mean very close. But I shall not go into details of vomit or all the other things that will stay firmly between myself, my doctor and of course the bathroom walls.
Life with a disability of any kind is hard. However someone once told me, you can’t polish a turd and this is how it feels trying to put a cheerful light on chronic illness. This kind of thing sweeps through life destroying everything and everyone in its path. One sick person causes so many reproductions destroying the family, friends or carer it equally sucks for everyone just in very different ways. I’m not ashamed to say I struggle with trying to adapt to this completely different lifestyle. I scream, shout, lash out, laugh and cry sometimes all within the same hour.
My aim is to write once a month from now on about life with a disability. I intend to cover topics that I frequently found myself googling, only to find nothing but information aimed at the elderly. If nothing else, I want this to remind me to take my own advice and not take life too seriously. No matter how hard it is, you can always find joy, you may just have to look far harder then others. I would like to give my family and friends a window into my life. I plan to provide a positive outlook on issues people with chronic illness/disability’s face everyday. Above all else I intend to provide hope that this type of life doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Illness does not have to define you!