Twenties, Tears & Tantrums
Some days I entirely understand exactly what happened to 2008 Britney. In fact, on a particularly bad day I may even describe the shaving of her head incident as nothing more then a logical way to confront a bad hair day. Frankly if I am being completely honest, on a really bad pain day, I may consider trying to shave someone else’s head as a punishment for glancing at me the wrong way.
Growing up in England I think we are all brain washed from a young age into believing crying makes you weak, shouting makes you a bad person and laughing for more than 15 seconds makes you crazy. Growing up in general can make you question your sanity a thousand times a day every day from the moment you hit puberty until the moment you hit the grave. Whether the questions are raised by your inability to say no to yet another tequila shot or if it is raised by something entirely more serious; I firmly believe everyone has questioned their sanity at some point. What I have found, however Is that chronic illness can pull so strongly on every single human emotion you can’t help but wonder if you may actually be losing the plot all together.
I have full on wailed like a 2-year-old on a supermarket floor more times in the past 8 months then I can physically ever remember doing in my entire life. Part of me now feels that when life has crumbled to pieces like a soggy digestive, I should just allow the tears and snot flow with absolutely no shame. However, another part of me also feels deeply ashamed that I know I have ugly cried into my chicken dinner more times than I care to remember already this year.
One of my reasons for writing this is to remind myself that although my timing can be far from ideal, it is okay to cry. For anyone who may be reading this, it is okay to cry no matter what your age, gender or circumstances. One particular late night snot fest, found me googling to find out why we cry when we’re sad. It actually made me feel dramatically better about crying so much so I shall share my new found knowledge:
Emotional tears release hormones and toxins that are associated with high stress levels. So there you have it, if you still find yourself feeling guilty, just tell yourself you are just releasing the stress hormones/toxins using the water, mucin, lipids, lysozyme, lactoferrin, lipocalin, lacritin, immunoglobulins, glucose, urea, sodium, and potassium from your tear ducts. Where is the shame in that really?
And for anyone wondering, yes I did actually google what tears were.
Life isn’t easy at the minute. In fact I feel learning to unicycle, while standing on my head, in a ring of fire would probably be easier than emotionally navigating been chronically ill and becoming disabled at 21 is. The constant battle between staying strong and allowing sadness to be present is one that I don’t think you can win. There is no right answer, someone will always believe you could handle your emotions better; some days that person is yourself.
Chronically ill or not, even if you just feel emotionally un hinged sometimes, I have compiled a short list of ways I think work to deal with your emotions.
• Allow yourself to be sad and to cry. (Nobody is happy 365 days a year)
• Remember the importance sleep and good nutrition has on our emotions. Try and eat well and get enough rest.
• Remember to breath. Sometimes you need to just concentrate on breathing to keep calm. (There is no shame in this)
• Write a letter or a text telling the world how terrible life is treating you, then tear it up or delete it.
• Watch a film or show you love (nothing too serious)
• If you feel out of control for more than a short period of time seek help personal or professional
• Hold on and remember no matter how difficult today is, it can only ever last 24hours. Tomorrow is always a new day.